


hiraeth

by filipofmounthonora



Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: Gen, a dumb little drabble of sorts, i dunno if this is understandable but i hope its coherent enough :/c, just a fun little thing ig??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filipofmounthonora/pseuds/filipofmounthonora
Summary: in which leonora does the only thing she can.run.





	hiraeth

(left right left right)

It's so easy for you to fall into a rhythm.

(left right now look behind)

So easy to feel your heels pound against the soil

(no one's there yet now left right left right)

to feel the dirt dislodged and kicked up in a spray

(go on faster faster he'll catch you)

to feel the low branches scrape your skin as you push them aside

~~He leads you along a path, the both of you hand in hand and laughing to some joke. "I always take a shortcut here," he says. "It's the fastest way to the Woods."~~

~~"Aren't we already in the woods?"~~

~~He simply smiles.~~

(faster please faster look behind no one's there press on)

to feel the wind whip and thrash your cape about

(left right left right please please please don't let him see you)

to feel your heart pound and lungs burn and sides ache

(no no no now's not the time please don't hurt now)

and your eyes sting even more

(please don't hurt)

as you dodge behind a tree and slump to the ground.

(please don't)

Your head is splitting apart. Your chest is on fire. You feel the oh so familiar bile start to crawl up your throat

~~"Are you feeling alright, dear? You seem to be getting worse... Nausea and headaches--I don't think this is any regular illness."~~

~~"I'm alright. I'll get through this... whatever it is."~~

(not yet not yet not now)

but you still have to go. You have to run. You have to.

~~A clean crisp letter, stamped with a seal every child knows. Two swans: one black, one white. A shield in between. A school for fairy tales.~~

~~" _You have been selected for the postion of Dean, at the prestigious School for Evil..."_~~

You have to.

You have to.

You...

Do you have to?

(do you?)

It would be so easy to give up

(just as easy as it is to run)

and go back into his arms.

Go back.

Back home.

Home...

Where it's just the two of you. Alone. Safe. Loved.

~~"I think I love you," he says. Your eyes widen as you realise the same thing. God help you both.~~

~~A witch can't fall in love. But he doesn't have to know you're one, right?~~

Loved by him.

It's so easy.

(go back?)

Go...

Back...

Home.

~~"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, till death do you part?"~~

~~"I do."~~

~~"By the power of Christ invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."~~

No.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no no nono nonono _nononoNONONO_ \--

You gasp for air, fall on your hands and knees

( _HE_ will catch you)

bitter vomit escapes your lips, splattering onto the mossy gnarled tree roots

~~He holds your braid back as you retch into the bucket, his eyes filled with worry. It's only been getting worse.~~

~~"You should see Callis," he says, and you know he's right. But you can't tell him so, because your dinner is spewing out from your lips.~~

(you know what will happen if _HE_ does)

your stomach knots as it squeezes out what's not there anymore

(god when did you last eat)

and you heave and retch and cough and sputter

(please don't hear please no one hear)

and wipe your mouth finally after your brain collects itself.

So easy to return.

~~He picks you up by your waist and spins you around with the hugest smile. "Welcome home, love."~~

So easy to run.

~~" _If you refuse,"_ the letter reads, _"I am certain that your husband would very much appreciate knowing exactly who you are..."_~~

So easy.

So...

You press your head against the damp bark, petrichor filling your nostrils, and it hurts so much to even think.

Your fists ball up the fabric of your breeches

~~You rummage through drawers in the dark. He'll come home any second. Where are your--~~

~~The door creaks.~~

~~You panic, grabbing the first pair of breeches you feel.~~

(his technically since you stole them)

and let go, squeeze, let go

(they're your last memory of him)

and you find your eyes are doing the same when a warm tear traces its course down your face.

It splashes when it hits the grass.

(he would wonder if the rain was the sky weeping)

Soon after, another follows suit, falling and breaking apart

(you would laugh at him but think about it in secret)

and as you wait, so do many, many others; watering an already wet field.

You should get up soon.

(his horse will catch up to you)

So you try to push yourself back onto your feet--

Only... you can't move.

All you can do is sit and cry and pull your cloak tighter around yourself to stop the chill from tracing up and down your spine

~~"What are you--"~~

~~You can't answer, because you flicked your wrist and the dresser collides with his leg. You can't even apologise.~~

~~You grab blindly at a piece of cloth and leap out the window with tears flowing down your face.~~

(only it doesn't work for your cloak is only a bedsheet)

and try and think about your next step.

The School is so very, very far away. You'll have to stop eventually.

But where?

Not Netherwood. Definitely not. Never in a million years and even longer.

~~It's been years since you've been back here. But somehow, they still remember you.~~

~~"Aren't you that girl who stole my bloody kettle?" she says, and you use a spell to stop her from speaking. Your husband didn't hear her, thank goodness.~~

You promised yourself, promised Callis that you were more than that godforsaken village. You were more than an orphan girl, you told her.

You both were more than how you lived. More than how you dressed. More than what everyone saw when they looked at you: two scrawny, pathetic little Nevergirls.

You would carve your own destiny, you told her. So would she.

She wanted to find true love.

~~"He likes you!" Callis beams, squealing. She hugs you tightly, ecstatic at finally seeing you happy with someone else.~~

You just wanted to learn more and more and more. To discover and spread your knowledge with everyone.

But you're the one that got married, while she's now the teacher.

(how funny life is)

And now you're about to meet once more, thanks to that damned School Master.

~~_"I have received reports of your activities and complicity in the misfortune of several innocents, not excluding your husband's own family..."_ ~~

(get up _HE'S_ expecting you)

You take in ragged, shaky breaths.

(get up can't you hear the hoofbeats?)

You slide a knee forward, raising it to your chest.

(get up can't you hear him calling?)

You slowly rise, pulling yourself up from the ground.

(where are you come back)

You balance your weight as you turn away from the flickering torchlight in the distance.

~~You hear him calling your name, panicked as you flee. He darts downstairs as you hurry away, and soon enough you hear a loud neigh from the stables. You don't let yourself apologise.~~

(i'm sorry just tell me what's wrong)

You place one foot in front of the other

(what did i do wrong?)

and run

(what did i do?)

and run

(please)

and run

(i love you)

and run

(leonora)

until all you leave for him to find are footprints on the cold dark earth.

(come back)


End file.
